I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
