don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
