one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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