I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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