i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
