I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
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