Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
