help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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