if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
