I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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