Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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