Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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