Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
