Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
