Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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