You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
