Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
