Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My pussy is not your playground.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Randomize
