can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
