i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
