he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
