I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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