I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
