My cat gives me a boner
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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