Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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