May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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