I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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