i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
