47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
