Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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