I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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