Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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