I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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