dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
