Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
