But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
