Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
