got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
