his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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