Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
