hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
