After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
