so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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