My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
