i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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