i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
