So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
