Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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