He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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