I hate your face
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
