i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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