I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
